The X Games were on this afternoon. I spent much time reading and watching the games with limited interest. I like the X Games but have a short attention span. My main reason for watching is to see the mono skiers compete. These athletes, world class athletes, are not only gifted but on the cutting edge of adaptive ski technology. For the most part, the announcing was good. The principle focus was on the competition and the technology and skill involved. For the first time, a short special segment was included that explained how mono skis work. For a general audience, the mono skiers were compared to stand up skiers. I came away impressed and the segment reinforced what I already knew--adaptive skiing is physically more taxing and technique is of paramount importance. The only problem I had was the announcers made a point of stating how "inspiring" the adaptive skiers were. Apparently "they all deserved a gold medal" and one announcer crowed "they were true heroes". Oh spare me! The men that competed are athletes--gifted athletes. I have no idea what sort of men they are--they may be great guys or they could be not so nice people. I also know they are no different than any other athlete that competes during the X Games. However, only the adaptive athletes were labeled "inspiring" or "heroes". To me this is as bad if not worse than being labeled "special". It is in essence demeaning. Athletes that walked onto the slopes were not inspiring or heroes. They were just athletes.
The coverage of the adaptive athletes made me cranky. Combine this with a penchant for people to describe me as "strong willed", "tough", "hard assed" or that what I am experiencing with my skin is "unimaginable". I think all of these statements are way off base, dead wrong in fact. I am not that tough nor am I strong. Strong men do get depressed. Strong men do not cry. Hard asses do not feel sorry for themselves. I am guilty of all these things and more, far more than I am willing to admit on this blog. I have been unkind to friends and family. I have lashed out at those who want to help me. Worse yet, I have said things I deeply regret. The reality is I am a man with no options. I must stay in bed if I want to heal. I desperately want to heal. In short, I have no other choice but to endure day in and day out. I am enduring but I am miserable. Yes, I know there is an end to my time in bed and that I will be healed in a month or two. To me, that means more dependence on a daily basis. The knowledge I will heal at some point in the future does not help me be happy when I wake up. The reality is I am doing the best I can. It is what any other human would do. It is what paralyzed people do. It is what people that can walk would do. My experience, paralysis and the way I cope does not make me anything other than human-a deeply flawed one at that.